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We've been close companions for over two decades, a person who's overcome several obstacles, which I admire. However, she has been constantly blindsided by people. Her husband walked away, which came as an unexpected event. Several of close acquaintances vanished during that time, as they were only interested in the spouse. This surprised her deeply. She put in greater energy in our friendship, probably grasped better the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

Throughout this period, several of her friends vanished without her being sure why. Her previous job became hostile, despite the fact that she was an excellent employee, her exit happened not understanding why things shifted.

Present Situation

Recently, we have each stepped back from work and are seeing frequent meetups, yet I realize my role between us feels one-sided. I open discussion points only for her to redirect conversation onto things she cares about. In terms of politics, she holds unyielding views. I try to recommend verifying facts and alternate views.

She's been arranging a vacation to a nation I have traveled to many times even called home previously. I attempted to provide advice, however, my input not welcomed. She purely solely sought me to confirm her plans. I recently returned from a month in that place she hopes to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Evaluating the Situation

I don't want to be a friend that walks away without explanation, however, I feel she'll truly grasp the consequences of her behaviour on my confidence. Right now, my state is avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

It's possible to cut and run, yet this is rarely a smooth outcome we hope for. However, addressing it aiming for working things out takes courage and readiness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one requires explaining the usual pattern when you talk. It should be objective and clear and basically an unbiased account. The second is to tell her how it leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no argument on this point. What you feel are valid, after all. Step three involves requesting ways you together going to change the pattern between you."

Consider she too holds perspectives, so you need to stay open to hear that. A helpful technique is to say your friend:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to not say anything for half an hour."

It's remarkably impactful to encourage better communication.

Closing Considerations

This person could ignore all you say, for those who have a self-protecting mindset: they maintain a narrative about themselves they're unable to release because their very survival depends upon it and it represents familiar to them. It's tough because there's no clear path here, mere obstacles. Yet she could start out this way and then think on your words. And should you never reach a fix, it will give you satisfaction that you've been open and direct.